"Nice"
I like to think I’m different. I like to romanticize my life and my dreams and imagine they’re unique so I can claim some significance that I've been conditioned to think I need as some sort of validation for my existence. But let’s face it. I’m not the first to write these words. And I won’t be the last.
My issue is that I can’t seem to control myself anymore. I can’t keep track of my emotions. Am I happy? Am I stable? Am I numb? Who the fuck knows. I’ve been reckless.
Lately people seem to be disposable to me; a new development in my personality. I’d always been the “nice one,” with people fawning over me and enthusing over how sweet I was. But honestly? It wasn’t my 'overwhelmingly kind heart' that earned me the label I grew so tired of hearing. It was my fear. My fear of standing up for myself. My fear of others and their judgment. My fear of being taken the wrong way. But I’m tired of the fear. It has run the majority of my life thus far and I’m fed up.
People don’t call me nice anymore. Haven’t heard that word in years. And I take that as a compliment.
My issue is that I can’t seem to control myself anymore. I can’t keep track of my emotions. Am I happy? Am I stable? Am I numb? Who the fuck knows. I’ve been reckless.
Lately people seem to be disposable to me; a new development in my personality. I’d always been the “nice one,” with people fawning over me and enthusing over how sweet I was. But honestly? It wasn’t my 'overwhelmingly kind heart' that earned me the label I grew so tired of hearing. It was my fear. My fear of standing up for myself. My fear of others and their judgment. My fear of being taken the wrong way. But I’m tired of the fear. It has run the majority of my life thus far and I’m fed up.
People don’t call me nice anymore. Haven’t heard that word in years. And I take that as a compliment.
