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Disappointment
It's taken me years to get over you. I'll admit that I've liked you for that long. At least, I'll admit it here, where I'm fairly certain you'll never find it. That's okay, probably better this way anyway. But all that aside, I doubt I'll ever actually tell you how I felt all that time, and especially not after the realization I've come to recently about you. I've realized that liking you has been masochistic for me. I always knew I would never want to tell you how I felt, and I never liked you enough to have an actual, plausible hope that we would someday be together. No. I'm a realist, and I never hoped for something I knew would never happen. But I'm almost thankful that you showed your true colors, who you really are. Becuase seeing you act so pathetically, so disgustingly eager to please someone else, has made it easy to realize you never deserved to be on the pedestal I'd had you on for so many years. So if I could, I would...
Mistakes
Life's latest lesson for me has been this: For that which means the most to you, another's opinion of it should mean the least . I need to work on sticking up for what I truly want. And to learn to say no when I can just feel in my bones that something is wrong. Otherwise life will just keep happening to me. And I can't take that anymore. I'm so tired of being broken down. I need to stop worrying about other people and start fighting for myself and for what I want. And fighting against what I don't want. Because I can't keep letting things happen to me and then find myself having to recover from it. I'm tired and it's hard. I don't have the energy... If new beginnings mean constantly having to bandage myself from the hurt they cause me, I think I would prefer to wait until I am strong enough for that. Because I don't think I'm strong enough right now. And maybe I need to accept that. Diamonds So by the light of th...
