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Thoughts Into Words

1.20.19

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January 20, 2019

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Disappointment

June 06, 2017

It's taken me years to get over you. I'll admit that I've liked you for that long. At least, I'll admit it here, where I'm fairly certain you'll never find it. That's okay, probably better this way anyway. But all that aside, I doubt I'll ever actually tell you how I felt all that time, and especially not after the realization I've come to recently about you. I've realized that liking you has been masochistic for me. I always knew I would never want to tell you how I felt, and I never liked you enough to have an actual, plausible hope that we would someday be together. No. I'm a realist, and I never hoped for something I knew would never happen. But I'm almost thankful that you showed your true colors, who you really are. Becuase seeing you act so pathetically, so disgustingly eager to please someone else, has made it easy to realize you never deserved to be on the pedestal I'd had you on for so many years. So if I could, I would...

I'm Intrigued »

Mistakes

December 26, 2019

Life's latest lesson for me has been this: For that which means the most to you, another's opinion of it should mean the least . I need to work on sticking up for what I truly want. And to learn to say no when I can just feel in my bones that something is wrong. Otherwise life will just keep happening to me. And I can't take that anymore. I'm so tired of being broken down. I need to stop worrying about other people and start fighting for myself and for what I want. And fighting against what I don't want. Because I can't keep letting things happen to me and then find myself having to recover from it. I'm tired and it's hard. I don't have the energy... If new beginnings mean constantly having to bandage myself from the hurt they cause me, I think I would prefer to wait until I am strong enough for that. Because I don't think I'm strong enough right now. And maybe I need to accept that. Diamonds So by the light of th...

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Disposition

November 04, 2019

Her eyes twinkled at the lure of golden purity. . . At the chance to portray an ethereal facade of Goodness; But deep down, Those twinkled eyes were destined w ith a disposition for Darkness

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Introduction

April 25, 2017

If you're reading this, then I'm going to guess you noticed the *sly* link I put up in my bio. I'll probably put it up and take it down often to keep things interesting. 👀 I guess I've decided to make this page as sort of a notebook for myself. As I'm sure we all do, I have a million thoughts running through my head on any given day. And I'm in the bad habit of writing my random ideas and thoughts down all over the place. But lately, my life has become overwhelmed with haphazard words, so I figured they deserved a home. And this is it. Most of my posts will probably just be random thoughts strung together or vague posts about things going on in my life. I'm really not taking this too seriously, so you shouldn't either. But as you probably know, I'm not much of a talker. So this is your chance to hear what I have to say. Or, read it, I guess. Not everything will make sense to you, but that's not really the point. I just needed somepl...

I'm Intrigued »

Words Unsaid

December 05, 2017

I didn't mean to blow up at you like I did. You must think I'm crazy. That I'm childish and scattered. I suppose you might be right. But it's just not fair, you know? It's not fair that I can care so much and you can care so little. I know I might have been harsh. Might have made a mountain out of a hill. But it just hurts thinking you don't care. That I might mean nothing to you. I can't figure out whether you're worth all of this or not. In reality, you probably aren't. But me being me, I am predisposed to hand out second chance after second chance and to give you more credit than you deserve. It's in my blood; in my soul. I cling on to the hope that you'll prove me wrong. Even though it hurts me. Even though I would do anything to change it. To protect myself. You're lucky. Because I am incapable of protecting myself from you. But I think you know that somehow. On some level. But you seem to mistake my kindness for weakn...

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Dear Moon;

December 26, 2017

Your dark and mysterious façade is unwelcoming to the masses. Scared off by your intimidating darkness, your inherent association with the unknown and the fear that goes along with it does not capture the attention of many. You lack the warmth of the Sun. And only draw the affection of those who can appreciate the chilling starkness of your cold. Pairs of lovers, wrapped in each other’s arms to combat your insisting chill, are your only appreciators. Few and far between are those who admire you, Moon. They are intrigued by you, and they wonder about your secrets and stories. Marveling at the twinkling stars that accompany you, and desperately trying to understand the unsettling scars that freckle your surface. You guard your secrets vigorously, if only to retain the façade of depth and secrecy you exude. Moon, I love you. But there’s something about the Sun. Oh the glorious, all-consuming and intimidatingly beautiful Sun. She illuminates everything she touches, comfo...

I'm Intrigued »

1.20.19

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