1.20.19


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Disappointment

It's taken me years to get over you. I'll admit that I've liked you for that long. At least, I'll admit it here, where I'm fairly certain you'll never find it. That's okay, probably better this way anyway. But all that aside, I doubt I'll ever actually tell you how I felt all that time, and especially not after the realization I've come to recently about you. I've realized that liking you has been masochistic for me. I always knew I would never want to tell you how I felt, and I never liked you enough to have an actual, plausible hope that we would someday be together. No. I'm a realist, and I never hoped for something I knew would never happen. But I'm almost thankful that you showed your true colors, who you really  are. Becuase seeing you act so pathetically, so disgustingly eager to please someone else, has made it easy to realize you never deserved to be on the pedestal I'd had you on for so many years. So if I could, I would...
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A Year to the Day

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It's been a year to the day. A year to the day I finally got back the freedom I never appreciated until it was temporarily taken from me. A year to the day when my life finally started to rebuild after being shattered into a million pieces I never thought I'd be able to put back together. It's been a year to the day that I began to really think about my choices. A year to the day when I started to be mindful and started to think about the person I wanted to be; because the person I was was far from what I ever expected for myself. A year to the day when I chose to be better.  It's been a year to the day. And I never intend to repeat the mistakes that I made. I never intend to place trust in those who do not deserve it. I never intend to let myself be blinded by false loyalties and my idealist views of the world. I intend to accept the realities; and to learn from them and to be better. In a year from today, I intend to be better off than I am no...
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