Ugh
I wish I had the balls to tell you off.
Because everything that happened between us was fucked, and I wish I had known how to fix it when it was in the process of happening. I can't really even coherently explain what took place, and I think that's one of the most frustrating parts of it all. I didn't need that in my life, and especially not with everything else I had going on. Everything you never knew about, or, never cared to know about. Believe me, I almost told you everything a million different times. I thought I might be able to trust you. But you proved to me time and time again that my issues were irrelevant in the scope of your problems. That was when I started to sense the beginning of the end for us.
We both made mistakes, and we both did things we shouldn't have. But even still, I was careful with you. Because I truly thought you were different.
They say hindsight is 20/20, and before you, I never understood the saying. But now I do. Going back through conversations and seeing all the things I misinterpreted, things you took the wrong way, conversations we had where we were both discussing very different things when the other was clearly on a different page.
One of the worst things about me is my memory. I can't seem to keep good memories in my head for very long, but the bad things and my shortcomings are burned into my brain. Everything with you is burned into my brain, and I wish more than anything it would fucking go away.
I wish I could erase you.
Like I said, I truly thought you were different. And when I tell someone they're different, it's nothing but a compliment. I overwhelmingly look for similarities between people which is why I get bored so easily. If all you're giving me is something I've seen before, then what's the point?
You were unlike anyone I had met before. . . and it was exciting- it was new. I loved that you kept me on my toes and that you were unpredictable. You were just intriguing; and knowing you had the possibility of the intellect I look for in people kept me interested.
But you turned out to be just like everyone else. I was wrong. I'm sure one day you'll grow up and out of the bad habits that turned me off of you. But for now it's probably a good thing things went the way they did. I mean, maybe you will turn out to be the person I really wanted to believe you were. Maybe we just met at the wrong time. But who's to say? All I know is that you disappointed me, and I wish more than anything that things had gone differently. I wish I didn't care, but I'm not going to pretend that I don't and that you didn't leave me questioning everything.
Maybe I'm searching for something that doesn't exist. Maybe there is no one out there who's different anymore. But that sure is a depressing thought if I've ever had one.
Because everything that happened between us was fucked, and I wish I had known how to fix it when it was in the process of happening. I can't really even coherently explain what took place, and I think that's one of the most frustrating parts of it all. I didn't need that in my life, and especially not with everything else I had going on. Everything you never knew about, or, never cared to know about. Believe me, I almost told you everything a million different times. I thought I might be able to trust you. But you proved to me time and time again that my issues were irrelevant in the scope of your problems. That was when I started to sense the beginning of the end for us.
We both made mistakes, and we both did things we shouldn't have. But even still, I was careful with you. Because I truly thought you were different.
They say hindsight is 20/20, and before you, I never understood the saying. But now I do. Going back through conversations and seeing all the things I misinterpreted, things you took the wrong way, conversations we had where we were both discussing very different things when the other was clearly on a different page.
One of the worst things about me is my memory. I can't seem to keep good memories in my head for very long, but the bad things and my shortcomings are burned into my brain. Everything with you is burned into my brain, and I wish more than anything it would fucking go away.
I wish I could erase you.
Like I said, I truly thought you were different. And when I tell someone they're different, it's nothing but a compliment. I overwhelmingly look for similarities between people which is why I get bored so easily. If all you're giving me is something I've seen before, then what's the point?
You were unlike anyone I had met before. . . and it was exciting- it was new. I loved that you kept me on my toes and that you were unpredictable. You were just intriguing; and knowing you had the possibility of the intellect I look for in people kept me interested.
But you turned out to be just like everyone else. I was wrong. I'm sure one day you'll grow up and out of the bad habits that turned me off of you. But for now it's probably a good thing things went the way they did. I mean, maybe you will turn out to be the person I really wanted to believe you were. Maybe we just met at the wrong time. But who's to say? All I know is that you disappointed me, and I wish more than anything that things had gone differently. I wish I didn't care, but I'm not going to pretend that I don't and that you didn't leave me questioning everything.
Maybe I'm searching for something that doesn't exist. Maybe there is no one out there who's different anymore. But that sure is a depressing thought if I've ever had one.
